So I’ve struggled to be positive with the pain and lack of ability to actually care for my daughter as a stay at home mum and generally being a mum to her. Thankfully, with it being the weekend and a bank holiday one at that, my partner has been able to step in so I could rest and relax while he entertains the toddler alongside the puppy who has also missed out on time and attention from me. I am grateful for him being able to do what he needs to do while entertaining her especially as she likes being involved in everything especially with Daddy.
The physical toll on my body and energy levels is beyond description, I am weak and drained to a point of which it hasn’t been since nearly 2 years ago when this hit me like a ton of bricks making me useless and completely unable to leave my upstairs or care for my little one. Whether this is part stomach bug, little one has been suffering for the last week with diarrhea, slight temperature (not covid-19 level) and sluggishness, alongside my stress of this and my IBS not agreeing with anything that I put in my stomach I guess I am in for a long haul of issues. If I can get my strength back, I might be able to better my mental health for a walk or even some gentle exercise which should refresh me and enable met to feel more capable of being a person. But who actually knows when this could be the case!
During illness as parents we put all our efforts into giving them all they need and leave anything else for us to the side, with IBS this can be detrimental for us caring for our family. I often forget this and I end up worse than I probably could be while being left to care for a recovered child who requires attention and playtime. I love being a mother but IBS makes the whole experience and life so difficult most the time and leaves me drained in so many ways and questioning my parenting in the most harsh ways. Unfortunately, this affects my mental health and leaves my partner worried about me as I just don’t think I’m the best thing for her or him either.
The reality of illness brings another factor which affects our condition which in my case is already majorly affected with a child who has nightmares, a long-term sufferer of anaemia and generally no matter how much I sleep I am always so tired.
Sleep is something which is connected to so many conditions but with IBS it really is a large factor of which requires consistency and routine as parents this is so difficult to stick to for ourselves as we just want to slouch in front of the tv and stay up just to do something for ourselves. But this is the worst thing to do with IBS and often leaves us struggling to sleep, function and manage to be a human the next day without or light symptoms.
The big problem for me is sleep never has come easy for me on a normal day let alone when your stomach is hurting, your little one is suffering so comes to co-sleep during the night and with aches and pains to add to my stomach, I am really at my wits end with sleep. My little girl has suffered from nightmares for the last 8 months originally it was a phase but it is more along the lines of overactive imagination disorder during the night and so over time so will learn to manage it however last night was the worst in a long time with her waking up at 2am screaming and shaking. I took a time to calm her down, went potty, had a drink and eventually she settled down to sleep an hour and half later while holding my hand. She was pretty unsettled all night and so I couldn’t sleep well. It breaks my heart to see her struggling like this but she’s learnt if she wakes she comes to me and she will be happier however for me this doesn’t help my sleep at all.
In time I know that sleep will become easier with my child but in the meantime we need to find a routine and a pattern which optimises my sleep quality and quantity. There is so much to improve and work on however after the week I’ve had I would just like to get to a point where I had to mental and physical energy to try.
#irritablebowelsyndrome #ibssufferer #toddlermumlife #toddlerlife #parentinglife #parenthood #mentalhealthissues #physicalhealthissues
Me after the first two days of Flare
Heartland, my relaxing program
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