Sorry about the delay in doing some blog posts but life is madness and has been fro way too long.
So its been awhile due to the absolute chaos which has came over our lives currently. The reality of the drastic changes of which have occurred within my life, it’s been great, stressful, worrying, plain hard work with all the drastic realities of her 3rd birthday and Christmas being very different from what we are used to caused some low times and struggles.
So starting university was amazing, it was great to have something for myself for Alana to be socialising and developing so well meant we were happy. We had to get used to a new routine of being organised and prepared in advance with weekly meal plans, organised childcare and clothing choices the night before to make mornings easier(neither my daughter or I are morning people).
University has kept me so busy with assignments and such but I have found a way to get some housework done such as washing and stop using my brain. Using mundane tasks, I have found similar to walking the dog which also gets done in between studying or lectures, allows me to relax my mind, listen to podcasts or do an active meditation.
The reality of this is not good for me as I never stop or rest, for my IBS it means its up and down with flare ups and feeling unwell. Managing a chronic illness like this is difficult especially alongside parenting as failing my daughter and family is not an option.
I have realised being a mum is the most important job in the world, also its one of the hardest in terms of energy and catering to the needs of others constantly finding the balance. Finding a balance of me and everyone else’s needs is proving more and more difficult, since having my daughter I have been trying to make sure she is kept happy and safe, a comfort blanket for my anxiety.
Since her going to nursery the comfort blanket has been ripped off leaving me flailing around to find my feet and steady ground. In reality, this has been healthy for me in many ways creating a new independence which I have struggled with since having a child 3 years ago. My issues are much deeper than anxiety, it runs to a point where I know that family drama, my past experiences with people and my lack of trust has become such a huge part of who I am(but all that is for another day).
My IBS improved over my first semester studying hard to believe I know but purely that is down to having some semblance of a routine. For the first time since my maternity ended, my life had routine and a clear specific to do list involved. My existence and sense of achievement helped create a manageable IBS time frame, until Christmas break started with a 3 year old's birthday to prep for 6 days before Christmas Day (sometimes I wish we had planned her), makes for complete chaos plus she finished for the Christmas break at the same time leaving me trying to entertain a very active toddler while sorting out the house for the toy explosion.
Anyhow, I start back at university next week and little one is getting back into a routine at childcare which hopefully means I can gain some control over my IBS symptoms again. Plus I really enjoy having a purpose and studying, I always have enjoyed that type of thing.
So this is just a catch up, I will definitely try to be more active in this as I do think it helps myself and maybe it can help someone out there too
The complete chaos; Christmas Tree, Balloon arch, Birthday and Christmas presents = Toy Explosion!
Comments