As we all know changes are a large part in causing stress and upset in our mind and body, the problem is with IBS it goes beyond a little of stress and strain mentally. It deeply affects the gut-brain axis so much so that the slight issue turns into absolute chaos in our bodies and managing each day.
In October, I start university online for the moment so I won’t be leaving my daughter for as longer periods time as when I am travelling however either way it’s a big change for the whole house. This change mainly affects myself and my little one as I have been a stay at home mom for just shy of 3 years and during that time we have had the constant battle with separation anxiety and building her confidence. The battles with our childrens personality and their traits often leave us worried especially when they go to childcare whichever option you choose for you and your family. I had it easy in a sense with this decision as we bought our house nearly 3 years ago and moved in just 2 weeks before our daughter was born, our neighbours are a childminders. As I built in confidence in talking to our neighbours becoming more open to conversations, we got to know them with separation anxiety being such a large issue with leaving little girl we never sent her to anyone ut family and even this was a rare occasion unless it was necessary (my IBS) as she would just scream and cry. Eventually over time, our daughter grew to get to know our neighbours to the point where she felt comfortable to stay over there for a couple of hours each week we did this for many until lockdown hit.
She now loves being over there, treats it like a second home in so many ways in which, in many ways is too much but I’m so glad that she is happy to go lay and make herself at home. The childminder is amazing she happily takes her when necessary and offers her time when I am struggling, I see her as a friend. I appreciate her time and the way in which she which she takes her so easily is a blessing.
This change isn’t just in a sense of loosening the apron strings or sending your child to develop without you, its doing something for yourself. I sat next to my partner last night before bed and asked ‘am I being selfish?’ this is something that has been drilled into me from my mom. Both my mother and grandmother hold the belief you should take as much time as is best for you and your child in some cases, that I should not do anything other than be a mom. This is an outdated opinion and causes more harm than good, I do all this to myself without family making me feel even more guilty however as my wonderful partner said I am doing this for myself but also for her. Showing her that you can be who you want while being a mother, that you don’t have to go to university at the “conventional age” or have your life all planned out at the age of 16. I am showing her that women are strong and capable of being mothers and working or studying, the conventional ways are out of the window now.
I won’t deny it though it was very hard dropping her off at the childminders this morning alongside this suddenly becoming very real, we have a bad night with nightmares which ended up with us struggling to sleep and then struggling with this morning. She was clinging and needy which made me feel that much worse however I know she’ll be fine, I had my cry, now to get all the information I need to complete foundation year and rock it at my degree.
In terms of IBS today, it kicked my arse this morning with a nervous poo (tmi, sorry not sorry), stomach churning but this is normal for my anxiety anyway so its just a matter of managing everything and enjoying to experience I have been given the opportunity to do.
I am positive and excited for the future and the learning experience to come, its pretty damn scary too
My New workspace, made by my partner (best boyfriend and daddy ever!)
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