As today is World Suicide Prevention Day, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on emotions, mental stability and feelings throughout many of us with IBS and other chronic illnesses.
These mental issues either are a factor in our IBS symptoms or crop up because of our IBS symptoms which proceed to make the whole situation so much worse. Having IBS severely is so brutal and such drag… to be blunt with you. It ruins your life by taking away all enjoyable activities, friendships/relationships, ruins family time, eating out is no longer enjoyable and relaxing even sleep is reduced with pain and discomfort.
The reality for many of us with or without IBS it’s just horrendous and leaves us wondering whether we can carry on with life and whether it is all worth it. I have on many occasions sat there thinking that I cannot go on anymore, I cannot have my baby see me like this, my partner like this. Asking my partner to take my little girl away so she doesn’t see me suffer anymore, find a partner who can do things and be more spontaneous and fun for him so he can be happy and live his life. I am going to be honest the only thing that keeps me going is my little girl, she needs me as her mother to be there. She supports me where she can for a nearly 3 year old, she understands for the most part that mummy cannot be on the go all day and needs time to sit down and do quiet play or for her to do independent play.
However it’s not easy for her to sit on the bathroom floor, see me crying and crippled over on the toilet for hours on end, as a parent it is not something you want your child to witness. As a stay at home mum though this gives me no options to send her away plus the moment can just hit within seconds leaving me helpless to organise anyone if there was anyone I could rely on to get her.
I know I’m not brave enough to actually take my life but so many get pushed over the edge and make a rash decision to end their lives to remove the suffering by doing this. In many cases, all they need is for the suffering to end but with research so vague and doctors so unsure of the illness of irritable bowel syndrome and so many of the other chronic illness we in this community suffer. The problem is not just the condition and our mental health, we are often left jobless as keeping down a job with these issues when it is not managed so this leaves us with financial and home stress.
As a community we are learning to support each other in a social media, with support groups and the understanding of our condition is improving leaving many of us getting some sort of relief and our lives back. Many just want a little freedom and being able to be more of a partner to their spouse than an invalid.
It’s okay to not be okay as the saying goes but honestly if you feel slightly down, or feel like help would be needed then do not be afraid to ask whether it be a professional, family or friend. I speak continuously and he is so understanding and supportive, currently I pay for a therapist too which allows me to talk through everything from my past and my current issues which mean that I am able to manage my worries and stresses. These are a part of my recovery in mental issues, and my IBS too.
Suicide is a tough subject for many to talk about or admit to considering, however the number of people dying from suicide is insane and needs to be less taboo in our society. Whether it be as parents, chronic sufferers or anyone who is struggling mentally or physically in life.
#Worldsuicidepreventionday #mentalhealth #parentinglife #parenthood #mumlife #suicideawareness #irritablebowelsyndrome #toddlermumlife
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