So for the last two years, I’ve been battling to eat with my body to the point where I have the same meals day in and day out. The same snacks throughout the day in a routine which works for myself and my family to keep me functioning through the day. So restricted that I am not enjoying food or getting any of the nutrients in need for my body. In turn, my health is suffering, I still have flare ups and am still in discomfort 24/7 between horrific pain.
Today I took the step to start up with a well-known IBS dietitian, Kirsten Jackson. However, starting with a private dietitian is not only a costly endeavour out of reach for many people, it is also not guaranteed to solve your problems or manage the condition. Even though we are on a pretty tight budget, my partner and I are in agreement that we need to give this a try as we need to take control of this situation because our lives are majorly affected by this.
For me especially, my quality of life has been dramatically reduced over the last two years to a point where everyday is a struggle and leaves me with guilt and a feeling of failure. Not only are days out a rarity, we don’t go out as a family for meals or events, I avoid gatherings of friends and anything that involves the pressure of eating. The more I don’t do these things the harder it is to get past the issues that are building day by day and the mental barriers that are getting more and more difficult to fight.
Food is one of many factors in my IBS and for many of us out there. The main difference for parents is we desperately cling to anything that enables us to get through a day and be the best parent we can be under the circumstances. Myself, I have a fear of eating to the point where I worry which probably makes the situation 10 times worse. I am working so hard to take on my issues with eating head on, so I can try to add the right foods into my diet. I need to get more variety as not only is it affecting my body and my family’s life but my daughter is starting to become a fussy eater under the restraints of my diet she will only eat what eat or not even that.
As with any chronic illness, which unfortunately IBS is one of, each day is a tremendous effort to get through add in children of any age and suddenly it becomes mission impossible. The reality of our daily lives, is just beyond comprehensive of anyone who hasn’t got a chronic illness as with this brings mental health problems as we suffer our way through the day. As a parent, I hate my body so much for doing this to me after all its done for me creating my baby girl and feeding her but not I cannot even care for her properly and give her the life she should be able to enjoy with her mum and her parents together by going out and doing all the things toddlers enjoy. I am unable to make friends as I cannot go out, be free to go wherever and whenever the mood takes us, instead we live an isolated existence in a town with thousands of people.
I am putting so much faith and hope into this process, I am desperate to find a way to manage my condition and give the life my little girl deserves to her, to give my partner his laughter and fun filled girl back and for me to get my carefree and confident self back. I am determined to get my life back, deserve this much at the age of 25, I should not be held back like this.
I urge anyone suffering to get as much help as possible, I am here for conversations, support and I will be there as much as possible for you. We must support each other, as mums, as parents and as a community.
#chronicillness #ibs #irritablebowelsyndrome #parentinglife #toddlermumlife #tkaingmylifeback #positivity #findingthelight
The unfortunate reality of a flare up and stay at home parenting of a toddler
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